Things I Satired: Professional Film Critic Breaks Record For Adjective Usage

I was bored at work today so I decided to write this. I also started the whole blog. Go me!

Film critic, Elizabeth Handel, has today released a review for an upcoming movie that has broken the record for the amount of adjectives used to describe a single thing ever.

Writing for Wessex Weekly, Elizabeth's 200-word analysis of the recent Chuck McTino superhero blockbuster Grasshopper Man was written with such intense description that readers are reported to have found it impossible not to stop what they're doing to watch the movie immediately.

Describing her style as like, "packing all the descriptive words I could think of into one small piece of text", Elizabeth's slick and insightful review is a profoundly bold and brutal elaboration of one man's slow descent into the savage, uncompromising, and foreboding wilderness of time and space.

Wessex Weekly subscriber Bernard Pickering told Third Eye that he found Elizabeth's review a little on-the-nose, but that it worked for him because it "offered an extraordinary level of depth which ensured it successfully explored the twisted and hellish ego of the destructive and vicious lead character, Brian".

Bernard went on to say that, the review is "indicative of Elizabeth's expertise," and that it, "probes the mind and purges the soul, letting into our hearts the ghostly images of those who bask in allowing the fateful doom of communities to come to fruition when their ascent to power is maintained by the maniacal and ferocious inner tendencies of man".

Wessex Weekly editor, Harriet Wateridge, told us that she didn't really understand anything about the film from Elizabeth's review but that she published because "we had a deadline and she was the only person who saw it".

While Grasshopper Man was overlooked for the Best Picture award at last week's Academy Awards, Elizabeth hopes that her award provides solace for McTino. She's quoted as saying, "I dedicate my remarkable and superlative review to Chuck, especially in these desolate times when sorrow reigns and blackest night cascades the sky meaning our corporeal entities require a bit of cheeriness now and then lest they be overcome with fearful strife".